Keep Fun in Your Marriage

A book we often recommend and sell on our Resources List is entitled "Fun Loving You" by Ted Cunningham. The book is a great reminder of why and how to work hard on having fun in your relationship with your spouse. As you read this, please understand we are not trying to give you a "to-do" list of things to do to bring fun back. These ideas help you reframe fun, back possibly to the early days in your relationship and maybe before kids and life got crazy. Fun, enjoyment of one another, and joy ultimately come from a heart that is full and knows how much we are loved and accepted by God and created perfectly in His image. Below are some of the highlights along with thoughts.

1. Embrace the Grind Together

Cunningham flips the script on the daily grind, suggesting it’s not your spouse who’s the burden but rather the 70-80 years of life’s ups and downs. He writes, “Your spouse is your grind companion,” someone to laugh with, love, and enjoy along the way. The key here is reframing challenges as opportunities for connection. Instead of letting routines—like dishes or bills—bog you down, turn them into shared adventures. Blast some music while tackling chores together, or make a game out of budgeting. Scott Kedersha, a marriage expert, echoes this: “Recapture the fun and enjoyment of marriage” by revisiting the playful spirit of your dating days.

2. Prioritize Playfulness

Play is a cornerstone of a fun marriage. Research from the University of Rochester Medical Center highlights that couples who laugh and play together build a “foundation of memories” to lean on during tough times. Cunningham emphasizes this with practical tools like the “Fun Loving You List,” where spouses jot down what they enjoy about each other and their relationship. Try it: list five things you love doing with your partner—then do one this week. Whether it’s a spontaneous dance party in the kitchen or a silly game of Twister, intentional play keeps the spark alive.

3. Schedule Fun Like It’s Essential

Life gets busy, but fun shouldn’t be an afterthought. Cunningham advocates for “getaways”—daily, weekly, and annual moments to reconnect. A daily getaway could be 15 minutes of uninterrupted eye contact or a quick coffee chat. Weekly, plan a date night—think beyond dinner and a movie to something new, like a pottery class or a hike. Annually, escape for a weekend trip. Marriage Fun 101 suggests using a shared calendar to lock in these moments, ensuring they don’t get lost in the shuffle. As one couple shared on Adventure & Vow, “Making time for ourselves as a couple keeps the fun alive.”

4. Keep the Bedroom Playful

Cunningham dedicates a chapter to “The Fun (and Safe) Bedroom,” arguing that intimacy should be enjoyable, not just routine. Sex, he notes, thrives on creativity—talk about what excites you, experiment with new ideas, and laugh together when things get awkward. Marriage.com agrees, suggesting couples “keep it interesting” with role-playing or props. Beyond the physical, emotional intimacy grows through playful gestures like flirty notes or a lingering kiss. A happy bedroom is a fun bedroom.

5. Laugh—Often and Together

Laughter is the glue of a fun marriage. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine,” and Cunningham leans into this with humor woven throughout Fun Loving You. He shares personal anecdotes—like trampoline mishaps—that remind couples not to take themselves too seriously. Sadie Johnstone, married for years, advises, “Keep making each other laugh—it makes good memories.” Watch a comedy together, share inside jokes, or recreate that goofy high school look for a night of giggles. Laughter lightens the load.

6. Try New Things Together

Boredom is the enemy of fun, and Dave Carder’s research in Anatomy of an Affair warns that it’s a common thread in struggling marriages. Combat it by stepping out of your comfort zone. Cunningham’s “Weekly Getaway” idea aligns here—try a new restaurant, take a dance class, or explore a nearby town. McKenna Park from Herald Times Online suggests small daily adventures, like a board game night or a nature walk. The key? Novelty reignites excitement and keeps you growing as a team.

7. Celebrate the Little Wins

Don’t wait for anniversaries to celebrate. Cunningham encourages couples to mark small victories—finishing a project, a good day at work—with enthusiasm. HomeWord’s Jim Burns notes that “fun and playfulness become deposits of love” you can draw on later. Throw an impromptu dance party when your spouse gets a promotion, or cook their favorite meal “just because.” These moments build a culture of joy.

8. Speak Each Other’s Language

Understanding your partner’s love language—whether it’s acts of service, quality time, or physical touch—amps up the fun factor. Cunningham nods to Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, suggesting you tailor playful gestures to what resonates most. If your spouse loves words, write a silly poem. If they crave time, plan a picnic. Knowing how they feel loved makes fun more meaningful.

9. Stay Curious and Connected

Relational intimacy thrives on curiosity. Kalamazoo Therapy Group recommends asking new questions—think “What’s a dream you’ve never told me?”—to deepen your bond. Cunningham’s FLY journal prompts self-reflection and conversation, like “What could I do better?” Stay engaged; as Mark Manson notes, successful couples don’t solve every problem—they ride the waves together, staying connected through it all.

Putting It All Together

A fun marriage doesn’t just happen—it’s cultivated. Fun Loving You offers a roadmap: honor your spouse, enjoy the journey, and prioritize play. Blend that with insights from experts and real couples—schedule dates, laugh hard, try new things—and you’ve got a recipe for lasting joy. As Cunningham puts it, “Life is hard. Marriage doesn’t have to be.” So grab your spouse, make a silly face, and start having fun today—because a marriage that plays together stays together.