I wanted to write about something close to my heart in the Christmas season, one that has been central to my journey as a believer and transformed my life time after time. Its also one that can hunt us down this time of year with the forced time that we may have with family members that we have strained relationships with. That is, forgiveness. The trick about forgiveness is that it is an act of humility and love, instead of an act of overlooking a past wrong with shrugged shoulders and half-heartedness.
Forgiveness' significance cannot be overstated. Understanding its importance can transform our relationships, our emotional well-being, and our walk with God. Any time we are blocked, we can take a look at whether we are being un-forgiving as a test. Sometimes the grudges we hold can block us from love and from loving.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward someone who has wronged us, regardless of whether they deserve it. It is not the same as excusing or justifying harmful actions. Instead, forgiveness acknowledges the reality of the hurt while choosing to let go of the desire for retribution. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, allowing us to move forward in freedom and peace.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Key Differences
While forgiveness and reconciliation are often linked, they are not the same. Forgiveness is a personal, internal process where we release the emotional burden of an offense. It does not necessarily involve the other person or restore the relationship to its previous state. Reconciliation, on the other hand, requires both parties to work toward rebuilding trust and repairing the relationship. Reconciliation is not always possible or appropriate, particularly in cases where the offending party is unrepentant or poses ongoing harm.
Forgiveness can occur even when reconciliation does not. For example, if someone has passed away or is unwilling to engage in a conversation, we can still forgive them in our hearts, entrusting the situation to God’s justice and grace.
Forgiveness Reflects God's Character
At the heart of forgiveness is the gospel itself. Romans 5:8 reminds us, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s willingness to forgive humanity’s rebellion is the ultimate expression of His love. When we choose to forgive others, we mirror this divine love, demonstrating that we are His children and ambassadors.
Forgiveness is not just an act of kindness but an act of obedience. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus teaches, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This passage underscores how vital forgiveness is in the believer’s life. It is a tangible response to the grace we have freely received.
The Freedom Found in Forgiveness
Unforgiveness often feels like a protective mechanism, guarding us against further pain. Yet, it frequently has the opposite effect, trapping us in cycles of anger, bitterness, and resentment. As the writer Anne Lamott wisely noted, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” The truth is, holding on to unforgiveness harms us far more than the person who wronged us.
When we forgive, we are not condoning the wrong or dismissing the pain it caused. Instead, we are choosing to release the offender from a debt they owe us. This act of release unshackles our hearts from the heavy chains of bitterness and allows us to experience the peace of Christ, which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Forgiveness Transforms Relationships
Healthy relationships are built on trust, love, and grace. Yet, because we are all imperfect, offenses are inevitable. Forgiveness serves as the glue that holds relationships together. It allows us to extend the same grace to others that we hope to receive when we fall short.
In marriage, for example, forgiveness can be the difference between a union that grows stronger over time and one that becomes embittered and fractured. In friendships and families, it creates an atmosphere where vulnerability and reconciliation can flourish. Colossians 3:13 encourages us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
The Role of Forgiveness in Healing
Emotional and spiritual healing often begins with forgiveness. When we carry the weight of unforgiveness, it can manifest in anxiety, depression, or even physical ailments. Conversely, the act of forgiving allows God’s healing power to flow into those wounded places, bringing restoration and wholeness.
Forgiveness does not mean we forget or deny the pain caused by others. Instead, it is a conscious decision to release that pain into God’s hands. By doing so, we trust Him to bring justice and healing in His perfect timing.
Forgiveness as a Journey
It’s important to acknowledge that forgiveness is often a journey rather than a one-time event. Deep wounds may take time to heal, and feelings of hurt may resurface. In those moments, we are invited to turn again to God, asking for His strength to continue forgiving. Philippians 2:13 reminds us, “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”