Conflict is an inevitable part of life—whether in our relationships, workplaces, or even within our church communities. If you don't currently have conflict in your life, just be prepared, because it will be coming to you. But do not worry--it is one way God refines and shapes us.
Watermark Community Church has developed a thoughtful and biblically centered resource known as the Conflict Field Guide, aimed at helping individuals navigate conflict with grace, truth, and humility. This guide emphasizes that conflict is not something to be feared but rather an opportunity for personal growth, reconciliation, and glorifying God.
Understanding the Root of Conflict
At the heart of most conflicts lies unmet expectations, miscommunication, or selfish desires. James 4:1-3 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” The Conflict Field Guide begins with this awareness, encouraging self-examination. Rather than focusing solely on the other party’s faults, Watermark’s approach prioritizes identifying our own contributions to the issue first. This heart posture invites humility and repentance, opening the door for reconciliation.
Key Reflection: Ask yourself, “Where might I be placing my desires above the relationship or God’s will?”
Why Should we be Peacemakers
The Conflict Field Guide draws heavily from Matthew 18, which outlines steps for conflict resolution. Jesus teaches believers to handle disagreements privately first before involving others. This approach promotes confidentiality and fosters trust. Watermark encourages a commitment to peacemaking, rooted in the principles of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19).
The goal is not to win the argument but to seek peace and restoration, much like God’s pursuit of us through Christ. This requires believers to embrace empathy—truly listening to understand the other person’s perspective before defending their own.
Practical Steps for Resolving Conflict
Watermark outlines several key practices for resolving conflict effectively:
Pause for Prayer: Before engaging in conversation, pray for humility and God’s wisdom.
Assume Positive Intent: Choose to believe the best about the other person before jumping to conclusions.
Use “I” Statements: Take responsibility for your feelings and actions instead of casting blame. For example, say “I felt hurt when...” rather than “You always...”
Be Clear and Direct: Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) without sugarcoating or avoiding the issue. However, maintain a tone of respect and gentleness.
Seek Forgiveness and Reconciliation: When appropriate, offer and ask for forgiveness, allowing the relationship to be restored in a way that honors God.
When to Involve Others
Sometimes, conflicts escalate to the point where private conversations aren’t enough. In such cases, the Conflict Field Guide aligns with Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18:16—bringing in a neutral third party, such as a church elder or spiritual mentor, to help mediate. This step should be taken with care, ensuring that all parties have the shared goal of reconciliation rather than building alliances or spreading gossip.
Embracing a Spirit of Forgiveness
True resolution of conflict often hinges on forgiveness. Watermark emphasizes that forgiveness is not about excusing wrongdoing or forgetting the hurt but about releasing bitterness and trusting God with the outcome. Colossians 3:13 reminds us to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” This act of grace frees both the offended and the offender from the chains of resentment and paves the way for healing.
Conflict as a Path to Growth
Perhaps the most powerful takeaway from the Conflict Field Guide is its perspective on conflict as a refining process. What is the end result of conflict? Just as iron sharpens iron, conflict—when handled biblically—can strengthen relationships and deepen our trust in God. It provides a unique opportunity to practice Christlike love, patience, and humility in a real and tangible way.
Questions:
How can we shift our mindset from avoiding conflict to seeing it as a God-given opportunity for growth and healing?
What specific role does forgiveness play in long-term relationship restoration, and how can we guard our hearts from bitterness?
How can leaders and mentors guide others in applying biblical conflict resolution, especially in challenging situations?